For many parents, the “Is it normal?” game begins early on. I’ve sent question after question to family and friends, and of course, all worried parents ask our No. 1 frenemy, Google.
Is it normal my fetus isn’t moving a lot in the morning? Is it normal my baby doesn’t nap? Is it normal that my 6-year-old can’t read? Is it normal that my 10-year-old has only lost four baby teeth?
For all the talk of helicopter parents and their snowflake children, most parents I know are more concerned with whether their child’s development would be considered normal by experts than whether they are raising a prodigy.
When the teen years arrive, the “Is it normal?” instinct can go into overdrive. Adolescence is marked by many changes, including ones that manifest physically and, their more challenging counterpart, ones that manifest emotionally. The moods and deep feelings are intense, and — for parents worried about teen mental health following the pandemic — cause for panic amid reports of heightened depression and anxiety among adolescents.
But difficult feelings are often not a cause for concern, according to psychologist Lisa Damour in her new book, “The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents.” Not only are sadness and worrying healthy and natural parts of being a teenager, but the ability to experience these feelings (without a parent panicking) and to learn how to cope with them is developmentally necessary.
CNN spoke to Damour about why we’ve become less tolerant of big feelings, how to handle them when they arise, and the ways parents can, and can’t, help.